Our feelings about/towards birth parents:
First we won't pretend to know how difficult your situation or choices are. We won't try to tell you we know how you feel or what you are going through. We simply don't know! We just hope we can let you know how much we honestly love you for what you are doing, feeling, and going through. We are searching for the RIGHT birth parents! And we know that you are searching for the RIGHT adoptive couple. We haven't found you yet, but we have made a spot for you in our hearts. It is preserved for you.
I can't even imagine the strength and courage it takes to choose adoption. You amaze us! We know you love and care for your child and it is that very reason that you are here looking at our blog. Your child is blessed to be surrounded by so much love. We want you to know that we pray for you and your baby daily. We hope you will be safe, happy and healthy!
'What will you tell your child about being adopted, or about his/her birthparents?'
We feel that is so important for our child to understand his/her heritage. To understand the love that gave him/her life! From a very young age we plan to help our child to understand adoption and how he/she came to be a part of our family. We will always tell him about how his birth parents loved him so much! That her birth parents did not abandon her or give her away because of a lack of love. That it was because his birthparents loved him so much that they chose adoption. And we will always help him/her to remember to be grateful for the love of his/her birthparents and Heavenly Father's hand in his/her lives.
'Can you love an adopted child the same way you would love a birth child?'
This was a question that Doug and I had to ask ourselves when we first began to consider adoption. It is a question many others have asked us as well. Our answer is a 100%, no doubts about it YES. Our experience may be different from 'traditional' parents, but that doesn't mean we will lack the ability to love or bond with our child. I have had a strong confirmation that the first time I hold our baby my heart will be irrevocably changed. We know that we will be able to give all of the love and adoration we have to our child, no matter how that child finds his/her way into our arms.
'Are you willing to adopt any race? Aren't you afraid others will know you adopted? Don't you want your children to look like you?'
Yes we are willing to accept the child that our Heavenly Father sends to us. Our child is a gift that we have been praying for. A gift that may come in many different shapes, sizes, races, or genders. It does not matter whether I carried our child for 9 months. Or that his/her eyes are exactly like Doug's. Or that he/she will have our genetic characteristics. The bond between a parent and a child is far more than genetics. No matter what race we adopt our child will probably not look like us or his/her future siblings. Looks are only skin-deep.
We are excited to adopt and have no reason to hide it from the world. It does not embarrass us in any way! It may be physically obvious to the person walking downthe street that our child was adopted. We are ok with that and willing to share our adoption experience to curious people.
'Are you willing to consider an open adoption? Isn't that just too weird or scary?'
Yes we are willing to talk with our birthparents about what will be best for everyone involved. We are prepared now to share e-mails, phone calls, and pictures as much as our birthparents need. Visiting is something that we are willing to consider prayerfully. It is something that we are want to discuss with our birthparents to determine what we are both comfortable with. I know that we will be guided to know what is right for our child, his/her birthparents and us. Obviously we want what is best for our child and so we are hoping to develop a healthy, loving relationship with our birthparents.
Yes in some cases open adoption has turned out scary. However in 99% of stories/experiences that have been shared with us, open adoption has been a wonderful and healthy experience. I haven't talked to a single adoptive couple who has regretted having an open adoption. For those who think that open adoption is weird...well they simply don't understand and may not understand until they experience it for themselves. We don't feel that open adoption is weird. Everyone is different and has different needs. So the level of openness that works for one family may not be perfect for us, but that doesn't mean it is weird.
'Oh, you're adopting? I'm sorry'......Or....'Well that's too bad.'
To this we say, "Don't be sorry or sad! We aren't!" Yes we have had to walk the hard path of infertility. We have mourned that part of our lives. Adoption is not our 'fix-it' for infertility. It is not a second best choice and it definitely will not make our child, family, or love second rate. It is a beautiful miracle!! It is the way the Lord is going to send us our family and there is nothing sad, disappointing, or negative about it. Our children will be miracles that will not only bless our lives but their birthparents lives also. They will touch the hearts of birth grandparents, extended birth family, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and many more. We are so so blessed to be a part of that!
'How does your family feel about adoption and you're hope to adopt?'
Our family has been so excited and supportive! They have been our biggest fans, advertisers, and cheerleaders. Of course they don't know everything there is to know about adoption, but they are learning and growing with us as we go through the process. They have been willing to ask questions and share concerns with us along the way. This has allowed us to help them understand what to expect and how our adoption will affect the whole family. They are waiting for that special day they will get to meet their grandchild, niece/nephew, or cousin. And when that day comes our child will be surrounded by loving family members ready to welcome and love.